EXIT THE STREET
"ay how much you charge?" i smile at that question. what he just asked can either turn out to be good or bad.me, i play it safe. i let my girl jamie take this one. she is a newbie here. i've been prostituting since i was 14, so i know my way around here i know who is a cop who is not. i know when there are virgins, they act more nevous and shaky and talk a little to much, but the thing i love about them is there sweet talkers and give you more money. the people who been here many of time, are rude as hell and bargin to much. thank god my shift is almost over, it ends at 4:00 am. i know late but i need money so i can leave this place. im so sick of the streets in brooklyn, new york. i need a normal life and so does my daughter i made a good 900$ today. When i leave i have to pick up my daughter aniiya from my candice house.as i was driving home with aniiah sleep in the back i was thinking bout yesterday when i took a jog and saw other mothers with their kids and thought to myself i want aniiya to live a life like that. i want to be happy with no worrys of being killed everyday, because men are crazy out here.
chapter 2
"MOMMY!", aniiya just had to wake me up "yes baby?" knowing i wanted to tell her i was sleep. aniiya is 4 but has the mind of a 10 year old. i knew she was hungry i hardly ever have food in this nasty ass studio we always go out. As im getting ready i ask her if she wants to the subway or the car. knowing anniya i knew she was going to choose the stupid subway. while we were walking down to the subway i asked her what she wanted to eat. "PANAHCAKES" she always adds a "ah" sound after pan. "okay hunny". i was gonna take to one of these diners around here. When we were walking down the street this sort of short, stubby man almost bumped into aniiya. i don't know what it was but some sort of anger rushed through my body and i almost turned half crazy for a second."YOU NEED TO WATCH WHERE THE HELL YOU WALKING!" the man kept waking and sort of turned around and flicked me off. BOY was he lucky i was in front of my daughter or i would probably have killed him. But i cant go to jail nor get caught doing prostitution around here. Thats why you have be street smart around here and thank god once again i am. when we were almost in front of the diner aniiya kind of got to excited and rushed to the door and almost ran inside. it scares me when she does stuff like that."aniiya dont do that!" i look down at her. when we got inside i got us a booth and ordered us some food. as i was watching her eat i started to daydream about having a big back yard with a little park for aniiya to play inside of."momma we get brownies?" as bad as i wanted to say no, i say yes. "i love you mommy." ... that almost brought tears to my eyes after what i was just thinking about. "i love you to baby.". After she finishing her brownie... i saw this fine ass man walk in the diner. he had a nice style to him. he these dark shaded blue jeans with a white v-neck on with this nice leather jacket on, not the biker type of leather either. i wasn't looking ugly either since i got ready i had my true religion jeans on with my nice fitted white shirt with my cute little spring jacket on. he saw me looking at him and he gave me a little look that showed he was trying to get with me too. But i cant do it i have to many priorities going on right now, i don't need no man to add on to my priorities. i haven't had a man for a good 3 years and I'm almost 23, but me being in the business I'm in kind of hurt me with trusting men and hurt me with trying to start a relationship. i know i am beautiful mixed woman with long black hair with a coca-cola body. but my body to me, is just for money right now sorry to say. We left the diner. i decided to hold her the whole way home, because if another man were to almost bumped into her I'm not gonna go half way crazy I'm going to go all the way crazy.
not finsished
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Hi, Arianna--
ReplyDelete1) Read out loud to hear your fragment and run-on sentences.
2) Please use capital letters at the beginning of your sentences.
3) I like your protagonist. She has something specific that she's fighting for. It seems like she makes a lot of money--why can't she save it to get them out of there? What is she spending it on?
4) By the end of the story, she has to learn something or grow as a person. Sometimes knowing that as a writer helps you get to the ending.